Why am I still thinking about you?
I think about you
without wanting to.
In the morning,
at school,
on the bike home,
even when I promise myself
not to think about you today.
But my head doesn't listen.
I look at my phone
and hope to see your name.
A snap.
A message.
Something.
But nothing comes.
And yet I send you something again,
as if next time
will make the difference.
I tell you something nice
because I want to share it with you.
Because you are the person I most want to tell
everything to.
But you react as if
you don't care.
And perhaps that hurts the most.
Not that you don't like me,
but that I am starting to feel more and more
that I am
not important to you at all.
To me, you are
one of the first things
that I think of.
But to you,
I might not even be
a thought.
I remember little things about you
that you have probably long forgotten.
I pay attention when you are online,
wonder why you aren't responding,
and come up with a hundred reasons
why you might be silent.
While you probably
just go on with your day.
I wish I could do that.
I wish I could turn my feelings
off for a moment.
Just a button.
No butterflies.
No hope.
No disappointment.
No constantly checking
to see if you have finally responded.
Just nothing.
Because how can someone
who seems to feel so little for you
take up so much space
in my head?
I know that I cannot force you
to like me.
I know that I deserve someone
who *does* get happy
when my name appears on his screen.
Someone who doesn't just dismiss my stories.
Someone who starts a conversation themselves.
Someone who doesn't make me feel like I have to fight for a little attention.
But still…
I still hope that one day you will look at me differently.
And perhaps that is the hardest thing of all.
That my mind says:
let him go.
But my heart says:
just a little longer.
So I stay sitting here,
with feelings
that you never asked for,
while you may have moved on long ago.
And I wonder:
how can I forget you,
if you ar